My uncle, Party Marty has lived in St. Thomas in the US Virgin Islands for decades. He wind surfs, scuba dives, works at bars and restaurants, captains historical boat tours and similar to Slick Rick and Doug E Fresh in “La-di-da-di“, likes to party. While they were “kickin it live in 85”, Marty was wearing neon green Croakies sunglasses straps, windsurfing between islands with a six pack of beer in his backpack and finding bales of coke which kept washing up on the beaches. One day while windsurfing in open water, miles from shore, he found a person floating and saved their life by windsurfing them back to safety.
On the islands, partying can be complicated. Depending on where and on which island you are on, getting home requires different modes of transportation. You may be:
- walking (if close and on the same island some sobriety needed to not get run over on the narrow winding roads),
- taking a taxi (if further away -same island, extra cash but less sobriety needed),
- windsurfing (different island, relatively close, must be sober enough not to fall off),
- riding a ferry (different island, further away -must be sober enough to plan partying to not miss last ferry out).
When partying, he asks where he is frequently throughout the night. In the continental states, with only moderate partying, it seems as odd and obsolete as carrying a quarter for a pay phone. In truth it is the battle tested reflexes of a true party veteran.
I live in Baltimore and do my share of partying (usually locally and somewhat responsibly). I have found the one thing which is both ubiquitous yet unique to Baltimore bars and restaurants. For the research methodology geeks- it is sensitive as Coke-a-cola in Atlanta and accurate as fries on steak salads (pg 7) in Pittsburgh. So if you are seafaring partier (maybe a pirate) and while deep into a night of grog, carousing and wenches you start to panic and are wondering in which port ye may be, and you spy a bright yellow and purple Big Boyz Bail Bonds pen, be of good cheer for ye be in Baltimore.
Don’t take this as my endorsement of the American incarceration industry. Nor do I support the bail bonds system who are jackals that prey on the economically and legally challenged (the most effective of the predatory lenders). They may be evil bastards but they could teach Staples a thing or two about ball point pen selection and distribution. The pens write well and almost always work.
People may still be wondering if when Party Marty rocks the mic does he rock the mic right? or if he bites. I’ve never witnessed if he can rhyme right. But I do know he is as tone deaf as the rest of the Olson Crew.